pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
