Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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