How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's blow job season.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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