My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
