I heard we made out
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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