Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
