Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
