he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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