Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
