remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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