Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
