Only a mothe r could love this liver
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
