Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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