And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
