The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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