Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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