i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
