I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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