I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
