Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
