Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
