Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
do nipples grow back?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
