I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
