i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
