i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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