I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
