In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
