Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
