apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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