i need an iv and a liver transplant
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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