SEEEEXXX PLEASE
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
