while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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