I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
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How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
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there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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