Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
