Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
