I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh god it's open bar.
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