Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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