I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
