Just cropdusted the office
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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