My sheets look like a crime scene.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
