our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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