Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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