3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
