Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
