haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
