he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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