i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize