Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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