WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
