I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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