please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
