I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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