i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
