Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
