just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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