Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dear god my vagina.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
