Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
