You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
