Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
