Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
