maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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