I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
