my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
