just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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