So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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